Alcoholic or paranoid? One of those fashionable things.

Last night I came home half drunk and I gave the fact a thought that this week not one day passed without drinking alcohol. It wasn't something that occurred to me for the first time but in a dramatic attempt to see clearly where I'm standing I added up the week's consumption and I didn't like the result. About 2,5 L wine (3,5 bottles) a few pints of beer and some bits and bobs like 2 cocktails and some champagne. It has been one of those crazy weeks when I was out every night for some reason, but still...
I'm worried.

OK, it's not like my life is out of control. My drinking doesn't hurt people around me, my liver is not failing, I don't spend all my money on cheap vodka and I have all my teeth thankyouverymuch.

But I like to drink and I use opportunities to do that. I enjoy to chill out with a glass of good red. I'm chattier and wittier when tipsy and I like to be chatty and witty. I like the smell and the taste of drinks and I don't know how to be out having a good time without justalil something to drink.

I don't mean to be dramatic and say I need therapy and all that. I despise our self-pitying culture where everyone needs to have a "problem" to go to therapy with and to feel sorry for themselves. But my reality check said last night that I should practise a little bit of self-discipline and pull myself together. And that I should find something with zero alcohol content to fill the screaming gap in my life that at the moment alcohol fills.

It's gonna be green tea and water next week.