Too Selfish?
Ok, here is the dilemma. My best guy friend (of the past 17 years) and I used to go jogging together to a park in the city. Once or twice a week, no big deal. He used to pick me up after work, we would go there, have our round, catch up and go home. Last August he started to go out with a girl (GF) who is a perfect match but is screwed up in the head about every other female in this universe. Which meant that apart from the jogging all extra-activities came to a dead end. Going to gigs together, having a picnic or drinking a pint became a no-no for him, even together with her (she would never want to go out) and even in bigger groups. Their lives became his-a
nd-hers only, radically, rudely, suddenly.
At first the abandoned friends (a few of us from high school) thought nothing of it - this is what new couples tend to do but they also tend to grow out of it slowly. We waited patiently, got together for drinks and chats every now and then, always inviting the two of them and always being turned down.
However, the jogging stayed and these were always good times, heavy talks and light giggles.
Last week I called him to remind him of the kilos to be shed and the mini-marathon to prepare for. He told me he was working late and he would call me on the way home if it was not stupidly late for the run. I didn't think we would go that evening but I left the option open. He rang after 10 to say he wanted to pop in for a chat. He felt bad I could tell. He behaved like a puppy with his tail between his legs.
-"How are you? What can I get you?" - I asked.
-"Fine, just been running with GF. She had taken up jogging you see" - he replied casually.
I'm not a drama queen. Not with my friends anyway. I might be destroyed inside but would not throw a tantrum for an audience. But this hurt me. Not the jogging but the sneaking. Not the fact that he has a GF and I have no one but the stupidity of this sort of possessiveness. And it also hurt to see my male friend to be such a sissy who would not stick up for me.
Am I just being childish about it or is the jogging really crossing the imaginary border of intimacy that is unacceptable outside a relationship? Is he doing what every normal man would do to protect the peace and quiet at home or is it something you only do out of cowardice? Whatever…
nd-hers only, radically, rudely, suddenly.At first the abandoned friends (a few of us from high school) thought nothing of it - this is what new couples tend to do but they also tend to grow out of it slowly. We waited patiently, got together for drinks and chats every now and then, always inviting the two of them and always being turned down.
However, the jogging stayed and these were always good times, heavy talks and light giggles.
Last week I called him to remind him of the kilos to be shed and the mini-marathon to prepare for. He told me he was working late and he would call me on the way home if it was not stupidly late for the run. I didn't think we would go that evening but I left the option open. He rang after 10 to say he wanted to pop in for a chat. He felt bad I could tell. He behaved like a puppy with his tail between his legs.
-"How are you? What can I get you?" - I asked.
-"Fine, just been running with GF. She had taken up jogging you see" - he replied casually.
I'm not a drama queen. Not with my friends anyway. I might be destroyed inside but would not throw a tantrum for an audience. But this hurt me. Not the jogging but the sneaking. Not the fact that he has a GF and I have no one but the stupidity of this sort of possessiveness. And it also hurt to see my male friend to be such a sissy who would not stick up for me.
Am I just being childish about it or is the jogging really crossing the imaginary border of intimacy that is unacceptable outside a relationship? Is he doing what every normal man would do to protect the peace and quiet at home or is it something you only do out of cowardice? Whatever…


10 Comments:
At 4:09 PM,
T.H. Elliott said…
It sounds like he's in an unhealthy relationship. Maybe she was cheated on before, or hurt or something, and she's really overprotective. It's not healthy.
At 11:27 PM,
dany said…
muchas gracias por tu visita a mi blog!!me encantaria saber ingles para leerte..algun dia será.igual vbolveré a pasar para seguir intentando..un beso grande!!
At 3:47 AM,
Sebastián Leonangeli said…
You're not being childish. It's not the best reaction you can expect from someone you've being joggin with since highschool.
Sounds like you two need a long talk
Nice posts
See ya!
At 6:03 PM,
almost loved said…
I agree with t.h.elliot, it's not a healthy relationship.
I guess he feels bad about this but is also trying to not cause any trouble with his GF. He is in a tough situation too.
Have you told him how you felt about this?
At 1:04 AM,
COTI said…
Beautiful to know that what I write, can help persons though it is a bit! We all have bad moments and good Also, the villains are to learn of them .. the good ones are to enjoy and to be happy..
Sometimes we feel hatred and sometimes love .. These days have not been good for me,I have not felt well.. but though it has anger great I must focus in what I want and in the good things that I want for my future like that it is the life!
It is something that always will happen!
The life is full of lessons and of a lot of happiness ahead..
Thank you for your words, THANKS for reading what I write, at least it satisfies me to know that in something help!
And if you want here I leave my mail you in order that we speak when you want:
sugarr-cream@hotail.com
xoxo,
Coti
At 3:40 PM,
Tiffanie said…
Thanks for having me read this. Yes, it helps to see it from the opposite side.
At 4:23 PM,
Madeleine said…
thank you so much for you wrote to me. it made me cry. but kind words like those give me a little push to keep going. thank you!! :)
At 4:24 PM,
Madeleine said…
and regarding this post, you are not being selfish. his girlfriend has trust issues, probably from past experiences, that makes her be overprotective. but the boyfriend should address the problem with her first- surely he must see how it is not normal and a trusting relationship?
At 5:48 PM,
Medio Pomelo said…
T.H.E. - I suppose you're right about her. But it's not even her I was trying to express my frustration about. It's him.
Dany - gracias por pasar por aqui! Un beso!
Sebastian - I must admit your comment made me giggle. I've known him since highschool but I'm a lazy bum and only took up jogging 2years ago :)
A.Loved - yes, a couple of times. Not at this instance though. I was too dumbstruck.
Cloudy R - you're lovely and such a positive gal :)) Thanks for making an effort and responding in English!!
Tiff - pleasantly surprised to see you here :) I felt bad about my comment yesterday, thought it might have been patronising which I didn't want to sound. it is a never ending argument though and your point of view is as valid as mine if that's what you've experienced.
PP - I'm so happy if it encouraged you!! Hope you are feeling better!
In all honesty I kinda regretted writing this post anyway, he is my best friend and I know he's been trying to resolve this issue. I should have sent him this very e-mail instad of publishing it. Just for him to show that I'm ok to take no for an answer but not
being treated like an idiot.
At 9:00 PM,
wicklowbetyár said…
Nem tudtam, hogy ilyen komoly a helyzet... Welcome to the club.
Régebben is volt, hogy elhanyagolta "baráti feladait". Mikor lesz ez a minimaraton?
Amúgy komoly blogolás folyik itt, annyi szent! Excellent!
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